John McCain: Mexico First!

To say that the John McCain campaign (which campaign officials have confirmed that John McCain does not represent) has gone egregiously and desperately negative is an understatement. From the very obvious racism in the RNC’s latest David Hasselhoff ad to McCain’s assertion that the fact that everyone in the entire world wants Barack Obama to be our next president, Americans are glued to their TV sets trying to solve the greatest mystery to have washed up on our shores since the Mantauk Monster: McCain’s campaign strategy (?).

Particularly enigmatic in the presumptive Republican nominee’s political repertoire is his persistent pandering to Latin American voters. Only the most unscrupulous of oil barons and most fascist of resentful Batista leftovers could ever remotely consider voting the Mr. Magoo doppelganger- who has absolutely no knowledge or recollection of anything beyond the identities of his family members- into the most powerful office in the country, giving a man who’s contemporary world view includes Czechoslovakia, the USSR, Yugoslavia, and the Holy Roman Empire power over “the button”. And so begging these two power blocks to dispense of their logic and hold on tight to their lust for money and trust in the caste system, respectively, is strategically expedient. The third McCain power block- uneducated, unemployed racist white people- need not be pandered to, as Barack Obama has not stopped being black and their support is counterbalanced by the throngs of Ralph Nader supporters detracting from the Democratic vote, anyway.

So if the campaign had some sort of a strategy- which I am beginning to doubt it does- they would go all the way to ensure America that McCain would not tax any gas companies *at all*, implementing a high-salary “stimulus package” that sends $5000 to every oil baron in the country once a month, and that he would nuke all of Cuba, Russia, North Korea, Iran, Iraq, Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, and France within his first week in office.

Surprisingly, McCain has decided against this route, which will lead to his inevitable failure. Instead, his campaign is taking what Obama has called “the low road”, which by that I assume he is referring to IQ, not moral integrity. McCain continues to speak publicly about economic policies and foreign affairs (things everyone knows McCain has no clue about) and show his face to Americans. If the people voting for you are not doing so but, rather, voting against your opponent, and if your strategy is, as Obama astutely noted, “We know we don’t have much to offer, but that other guy is ‘risky'”, why is McCain attempting to charm Americans out of voting for him? It is much less painful to vote for “not the black guy” when the harsh reality that the other guy is in advanced stages of dementia isn’t being broadcast throughout the mainstream media in an hourly “McCain Gaffes” feed.

More absurd is that McCain has actually begun a specific all-out campaign to court the Latinos! And, no, this idea isn’t a new development involving his beer sales in Cuba. McCain has always been generally “alright” with illegal immigration, being from Arizona and needing those workers to mow his lawn and all, and as much as the white demand that those “Mexicans” get out of their country, McCain knows that he can afford to keep this stance AND his racist voters, since- breaking news!- Barack Obama is still black. So he stays true to his roots and keeps the oil barons’ gardens properly groomed.

McCain has made several visits to Mexico, including a pre-“Barack’n’Roll Berlin Tour” stop in early July, where he met with some Church leaders and campaigned door-to-door in the city of Ixtapalapa. And McCain cares so much about the wellbeing of Mexican-Americans that contemptuously reject the culture, lifestyle, and laws of their adopted homeland despite reaping all its benefits that he gives them positions on his campaign staff! The story was quelled sometime in January after it became clear that the GOP would have to back this horrific dark horse thanks to a massive epidemic of ignorance and strategic Democratic voting in the primaries, but back in the day when “hope” and “change” were the pillars of the Mike Huckabee campaign, McCain caught the eye of World Net Daily with his relationship to Juan Hernandez, a political entity who has fought the good fight to end the concepts of “illegal immigration” and “America” and has openly stated he wants seventh-generation Americans of Mexican descent to think “Mexico first”. Between this and McCain’s loosy-goosy attitude towards border security in general, which is now on the backburner because both parties decided to scratch it off of the talking points list, it is clear that McCain is up to something in the Latino community, which- with the exception of the aforementioned voting blocks- are all in the bag for Obama.

Is the campaign strategy going to be to offer Mexicans instant citizenship in exchange for voting for McCain? Will it consist in building a bridge across the Rio Grande and redirecting all border control officers to missions in Iraq? Sure, it sounds a little absurb, but we’ve come to expect anything of this campaign.

Frances Martel


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