Rafael Román Martel

“I was surprised that she was finally able to be so forceful with him,” remarked a neighbor on condition of anonymity. “For years she’s wanted him to move, but when he starts crying she always caves. We’re all so proud of her!”

Olbermann is the host of MSNBC’s Countdown with Keith Olbermann. Since 2003 he has been giving Republicans, especially former president George W Bush, verbal lashings that arouse far left liberals to such a degree that many become babbling idiots.

“I’ve been watching Olbermann for years!” gushed professional revolutionary Claire Dunlap of Asheville, North Carolina. “I may be sixty seven years old, but that man makes my juices flow!” Ms. Dunlap was surprised when she learned of Olbermann’s sportscaster past. “Sportscasting? You sure about that? I think you’ve got the wrong Keith Olbermann honey.”

The fact is, few Countdown fans realize that Keith Olbermann was not only a sportscaster for twenty years, but he’s still used on NBC sports shows. Sports Collectors Bible even mentions him for his obsession with collecting baseball cards.

“Olbermann’s spent more time with naked men in locker rooms than your average sports journalist,” said one of his co-workers from the 80′s. “Keith has a knack for getting athletes to open up to him after they’ve showered.”

High school friend Lionel Burnett told The Daily Rash that Olbermann was a sports fanatic when he was a kid.

“He lived and breathed baseball and football! It drove him nuts that he had no athletic abilities. Plus, he has Celiac disease, so he’s had that chronic diarrhea thing his whole life.” Mr. Burnett winced and then continued. “But he loved sports and athletes so much that we all knew he would be successful with his locker room interviews.”

Many of Olbermann’s past friends and colleagues were surprised to find out he was so politically liberal. Norm Crotchett was a camera man for CNN when Olbermann was there in the early 80′s.

“The guy on MSNBC is not the Keith Olbermann I worked with at CNN! Not even close!” Crotchet laughed convulsively before continuing. “The Keith Olbermann I worked with wouldn’t have known who the vice president was if you offered him a million dollars! Only thing he cared about was getting into that locker room. And nobody was better than him with after-shower interviews. Nobody!”

According to several neighbors, Mrs. Olbermann had been complaining about her son’s refusal to pay rent. One source told The Daily Rash that she even took her son to small claims court several times just to get a few dollars for food and to help pay utility bills. But it was Olbermann’s odd obsessions with Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly that became the last straw for his Mother.

“Keith was always talking about the famous feud he was having with Bill O’Reilly,” remembered Oscar Peterson, a long time neighbor and friend of Mrs. Olbermann. “But it takes two people to have a feud and O’Reilly has never mentioned Keith on his show or in print. I sometimes wonder if he even knows who Keith is!”