Rafael Román Martel

On this memorable occasion, first of all we thank our Maximum Leader, compañero Fidel, for giving us the moral support to launch our revolution. (applause) We cannot forget our compañero Raúl and the great leaders of our Party, especially the Comemierda Brigade, and the Granma Lollypop Brigade that have sacrificed so much to build The Great Socialist Mierda and have given our blog so much material to build upon their incredible destruction in the construction of The New Man. (applause)

Most of all, we follow the Steps of El Che. Like every good Communist, Che opened the road for creating an image and vivir del cuento (live of the story). Che is our inspiration to continue the struggle against the idiots of this world who wear his t-shirt while riding bicycles and watch Dolorio Del Toro portray him as a Hollywood icon, anything to avoid real work.

Today, thanks to the efforts of these great compañeros, we have reached the 100,000 hits at this site. (applause, cheers) We have to mention what a great inspiration Randy from Mesa Redonda has been in our struggle for world revolution. It’s very hard to find an idiot so ready and willing to look and play his part. It’s very hard to find a face that perfectly blends with the Mierda that has been piling in our revolution for 50 years. (applause, wild cheers and tomatoes flying in the air- well-rotted tomatoes).

In fact, I have the privilege to be of the same age as our revolution. It’s been a big part of my life in this struggle for Socialist Nervous Breakdown, which reached its peak in 1989 when the traitors and the mercenaries tore down the Sacred Communist Wall and created the hated, low down dirty and despicable society of consumerism. (dead quiet at the plaza) Sometimes I don’t know who was born first: Me or the Revolution. (laughter, someone in the crowd shows a picture of The Pope and is savagely beaten by the political police and taken away forever).

We always have to keep our eye on the ball, just like our compañero Hugo says. We always have to remember that Fidel is Our Father, Fidel is Everyone’s Father, and Raul our Mother. Raúl is the Mother of All (The crowd goes wild, cheers, applause, people take whatever is left of their shoes and throw them to the speaker. There’s blood all over the plaza as the Brigadas de Acción Rápida-The Storm Troopers-beat hundreds under the New Disciplinary Plan. Finally the crowd quiets down).

And those gusanos in Miami, That Mafia, Those worms, what do they have on us? Who is fighting against us in The War of Ideas? That Babalu Blog? What do they have on us? 2 million 900 thousand hits? If we had all the CIA agents hitting our blog 24/7 we would also have 3 million hits. (total silence at the plaza) That Abajo Fidel Blog? Those Pinceladas de Cuba Blog and the Cubanology guy? What about the 90 Miles Away? 90 Miles Away from what, lady? 90 Miles away from people going hungry in the streets of Miami while they are eaten by wild dogs. What do these guys have? Cars, food, clothes, Freedom (discreet applause). We might not have cars and clothes and a Cuban Sandwich, but we have revolutionary dignity and sacrifice and we have millions of compañeros in solidarity to march on May First! (Silence. All of the sudden one lonely rotten tomato flies through the plaza almost hitting the speaker, but nobody says a word.)

Today we pledge to destroy the imperialist blog and we proclaim a new revolutionary plan for the good of humanity: to make money! (Cheers and applause) Yes, compañeros, we have planned for the future in order to share our goods with all the revolutionaries of the Socialist World! That’s why if you have two chickens, give one chicken to your compañero and eat the other, always senking El Comandante and Compañero Raúl!

To Fidel, Our Father and Raúl, Our Great Mother, we say sank yu, sank yu Cuba for giving us a Fidel and a Raúl. We will never stop until the scourge of the earth is totally erased from history: Communism! Down with Communism!